When God Force You To Pick The Best
While I was waiting for him to come back from his training, I got myself active in Singles for Christ so that he could be proud of me serving the Lord. My intention in being an active SFC member was wrong, to please him when he comes back instead of pleasing God first. Little did I know that God has also a purpose why He let me did it. He planted all those eagerness in my heart to attend SFC activities, especially the Princess Diaries and Knights Tale and Covenant Orientation Weekend, to prepare me from the pain that I am about to face. He equipped me with His love. He has made my heart ready to embrace and surpass the adversity that lies ahead which I didn’t foresee. Then my tribulation came because right after his recognition and had his passes for a few days off, he ended our relationship without any further explanation from him as to “how and why” it happened. He just said that he fell out of love. The feelings of excitement were gone.
I remain silent. I was scared to answer questions that even I couldn’t answer and thinking that their opinion will only add to my injury. But I am now ready to face everything. To let everyone know how gracious is God on me. I was hurt. I was crying for how many nights. I faked a smile when I faced people. I did my very best in holding my tears back so the people in my surroundings wouldn’t notice the pain I had. I reached out for him asking for his answer to my “how and why” it happened even if his answer would only fierce my heart more, but he rejected and left me to wonder and ponder everything on my own trying to make things clear. My, what if’s remained and I left wondering why it happened. But I did not let myself be drowned in depression because I didn’t deserve it. While I was crying silently behind closed doors, I was also recharging myself getting strength from God at my lowest point. I shed a dam of tears alone, refused to talk and open up about how broken I was. It seemed like it was the greatest test of faith I had surpassed. I was composing myself from great shock when everything was like a thousand bullets shoot at me all at once. It was like a calamity that happened unexpectedly and I was unprepared. But I was able to continue my life with a strong heart equipped with God’s love. I endured the pain strongly for I know God will heal me. And when I was able to reminisce the past without tears rolling down my face, only then I realized that everything was wrong from the very beginning, that our starting point was wrong and God put an end to it. I accepted it wholeheartedly and put in my mind to move forward. The pain I had that was brought by him has a big impact as to who and what I am now. It was Satan’s greatest distraction for me to move closer to God. He ended everything between us days before the upcoming CLP. I knew it was Satan’s way to block me from moving closer to God and he won. I locked myself up from people but I never give up God. God used him as an instrument to make my prayer granted, to served Him more even if I was shattered. I am very thankful to him for being an instrument for me to become stronger mentally, emotionally, and most of all spiritually. I am not alone when he left me, I have Jesus and that is enough. God let me drop something good to pick up the best He reserved for me.